20 Nov Fear
“There’s Zero fear. You realise at the point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear… The best things in life are on the other side of terror , on the other side of your maximum fear, are all the best things in life.” – Will Smith 15th April 2015
This picture (above) is of me sky diving in South Africa. The small island directly below us is Robben Island and the dark coloured mass of land below my right arm is Table Mountain. I am not sure we could have planed this photo, it captured the feeling of my South African experience completely. Every day while in South Africa I took a leap out of my comfort zone, I embraced the present moment and learned how, as Will Smith puts it, “on the other side of fear, are all the best things in life.”
Why Do I Do It? What is the Point?
This week I am going to do a 10 peak challenge in the Lake District. I have attempted this challenge a couple of times and both were cut short due to terrible weather conditions. The challenge has become a monster, something I really don’t feel comfortable with doing any more. All I can recall is feeling very cold, wet, miserable and absolutely knackered by the end of the day. The first time I set out it felt great, like a normal day out in the mountains, until I returned to the valley feeling beaten, both physically and mentally. The second attempt I was slightly more apprehensive, fearing the worst weather might catch us out, it did, and I returned feeling beaten again. This time I am looking at the map, planning our route and asking my self “why? What is the point?”
My whole School life I was an under achiever. They told me I was dyslexic, thank the universe for spell check, and I still believe them to this day. I had some positive feed back about my Blog this week. Apparently it is easy to read and captures the imagination. My response to this is usually *confused face* “hummm do you think so?” because I always feel disapointed with my written work. Fortunately, Vicky, my amazing friend, followed up with “yes, for sure. Why don’t you think so? and if you don’t like it why do it?”
Summit and Beyond, the original project
Back in 2012 I was offered the opportunity to run a course of therapy for the National Health Service (NHS). At the same time, I started my 3rd year at University studying a youth and community work degree. I chose to leave my studies and focus on building the project for the NHS. Many people said I should stay with my studies, they did not fully understand what I was doing for the NHS and couldn’t see the logic in leaving Uni so close to completing my degree. So, I have to ask my self, why did I make that choice?
The Vision for Summit and Beyond
I aim to offer an educational package to young people and adults that bridges the gap between nature and technology. We experience the outdoors individually and it is near impossible to share the way an adventure made us feel. With carefully captured footage and cleaver editing we can recreate the essence of the adventure and bring those feelings back each time we watch. To offer this product I need the technology, and to get the technology I will have to keep asking the universe for a miracle. Again, Why? What is the point in all this? am I being unrealistic?
I am going to do the mountain challenge, even though it is daunting to think about. I will continue writing regular blog posts, even though I struggle to write. I chose to leave uni so I could focus on my project, even though it was frowned on, and I have this big vision for Summit and Beyond, but no capital to get started.
Why do I do it? and what is the point? I do it because I think I can’t, but I believe I will.
I think something will stop us completing the mountain challenge this week. I think I am very bad at writing because I was told I struggle with English as a child. I decided to focus on the NHS course and leave Uni because the proposal I submitted was completely unrealistic. My logic was to go down in a fully committed blaze, rather than hide behind my education. I don’t for one minute think I can achieve the vision I have for Summit and Beyond because it is far too expensive, and lets be realistic, dreams don’t come true.
I can risk assess over and over, I can consider the pros and cons, put the blog on hold until I am perfect at grammer, spelling too. I can feel the anxiety rising and the need to steer away from it, why should I challenge my self like this? if I think about it I have the option to be comfortable.
But! when I stop thinking and allow my dreamy head to wonder, a really nice sensation overcomes me. I totally believe it will happen! This belief is all that I need to take action, all that I need to face my fear. We can move over fear like it is the threshold to a more connected version of ourselves.
This picture (above) is of Dan and I. Dan, in the red, is one of my dearest friends and adventure buddies. One summers day in between attempts to walk a 30 meter slackline, Dan and I were discussing the most effective approaches to remaining mentally balanced at all times. The solution came out of Dan’s mouth as though he was making a joke. Although, it still makes complete sense today and I regularly refer back to it. It may be a paradox, and it might even confuse the majority of people, but i works and if you grasp it, the potential is infinite.
“Remember not to think.” – Daniel Elkin Summer 2011